Well Saturday night I got home from work around 430am but just couldn't sleep...So I stayed up till about 7am...so sadly I had to miss church. But then around 4 I got a call from work asking me if I wanted to go in and help them clean and stuff..I said sure. probably a bad idea since now I have been up ALL night...I don't know what is wrong but I just cant sleep. I may just go out for a run here shortly. But then again I should get some sleep since I am going into work in about 5hrs and doing a 10hr shift!!??!! But I think I cant sleep since I have had some things on my mind as in where am I going in life....at this rate nowhere. I need/want to fix that. I really need to start cracking down on find some online courses for school to get started. Then I need to find a better paying job. I mean yeah I love and hate the job I am at but its not where I want to be at now. When I was a junior in high school I thought I would be half way through collage by now, in a relationship that has lasted more than six months, and very active in my church. But my life right now is the total opposite. I continue working at a place that I kinda like instead of a place where I love going in everyday. Now, yes I may have my own place and all but there is more that I need done now to change my future. Now the whole relationship thing can wait, I want to make sure that I can provide for myself first before I get into anything serious with a guy! People can say whatever they what about this. But I am really wanting to change my out look on life, relationships and school! I also want to get more active again with my church. Religion used to be a big part of my life and right now its just not even there. I have started to go back but it has been hard since people have been judging me. I hate it. Ir bothers me that I also always have to ask for rides. I wish I could have my own car so I can get to where I need to go on my own. Its hard. But I am working on it the best I can. There is more to life as I look at it now. I wish I knew more when I moved out of my parents home when I was just 19, fresh out of collage, didn't have a job then, and didn't know where life was going to take me. I guess you could say that I took the difficult road instead of the easy one. But now that I look back there are so many lessons I have learned within just the year and a half that I have been living out of my parents home. I am truly grateful for them. They helped me through a lot of them. But most of all I am thankful that my moms and my relationship has gotten so much better since I moved out. I just want to let you know that I love you mom, dad, brothers, sisters, and friends you all mean the world to me it just wouldnt be the same with out you guys here!
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